More than three-quarters of Australian women would trade a picture-perfect romantic evening for being loved just as they are, flaws and all, this Valentine’s Day.
New research, led by Dr Michelle McQuaid and the Good Girl Game Changers project, reveals that 78% of women would prefer to be accepted as their perfectly imperfect selves than to be treated to staged romantic gestures or an expensive date night.
The findings expose the truth about what Australian women really want when it comes to romantic relationships, with many pushing back against the polished ideal presented in social media feeds and performative perfection.
The study was conducted by Dr McQuaid as part of her global project examining the pressures women face societally as they try to live-up to the expectation of being a ‘good girl’. The findings underpin the strategies and resources in her new books, which are designed to help women break-free of these constraints: The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl picture book and The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal.
“Almost 6 out of 10 women in Australia report feeling trapped by expectations to be the ‘good girl’ others want them to be, especially in romantic relationships,” says Dr McQuaid.
“These findings challenge our cultural scripts about romance. While retailers and restaurants would have us believe women crave gifts, romantic dinners and grand gestures, the reality is most just want to be seen as who they really are, and to be embraced as their messy, human selves.”
This ‘good girl’ conditioning has also led to a pandemic of perfectionism, which ultimately takes a toll on the wellbeing of women. Of the women in the study who try hard to be perfect (77%), half don’t believe the important people in their lives love them for who they really are, and more than 90% of these women turn that perfectionism inward, becoming their own harshest critics.
Dr McQuaid says the research is a wake-up call for Australians who are struggling to find fulfilment in their relationships.
“These findings are heartbreaking. This self-imposed pressure to be perfect means 82% of these women are feeling exhausted and burnt out from attempting to maintain these impossible standards.
“You can’t build true connection on a foundation of false perfection or store-bought gifts. True connection doesn’t cost a cent. It’s built on permitting ourselves to be perfectly imperfect, and dropping the pressure to perform.”
The good news is, we can ditch the pressure of planning a perfect evening or finding the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. Dr McQuaid instead suggests we use the occasion to take small actions that can have a long-term impact. For example, try:
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Making space for real conversations. Simple words like "I want to hear what's on your mind" create room for sharing what really matters. Listen with genuine curiosity instead of jumping in to fix things.
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Embracing the messy journey of learning together. Try new experiences where neither of you is an expert, share your stumbles and setbacks openly, and celebrate the learning. It's about growing together, not pretending for each other.
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Meeting each other's mistakes with generosity instead of judgment. When things go wrong, remind each other that we’re all still learning. Turn moments of ‘failure’ into opportunities to show up and support each other’s learning with compassion, care, and healthy boundaries.
This comprehensive quantitative study of over 1,000 Australian women has uncovered the pervasive effects of 'good girl' expectations on women's wellbeing, authenticity, and mental health.
Find out more about Dr Michelle McQuaid’s research, books and resources, at: www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com
MICHELLE IS AVAILABLE FOR INTERVIEW.
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MEDIA CONTACT: Erin Huckle, hello@chucklecommunications.com / 0432 213 506 .
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Erin Huckle
hello@chucklecommunications.com
0432 213 506
